An ill prepared parent

I am not writing everyday.  I know it would help but the truth is I think about what I am should write in such detail that I don't feel up to writing after I am done thinking.  But they say writing it is a better way to get it out or to release your burden. So I guess today I am thinking about how I am ill prepared to be a parent.  I didn't have a good example so I don't know what I am doing.  I spend every moment worried about them now and their future.  I worry I will do this wrong and when they are older they will have a list of everything I did wrong.  I am worried I will give them scars or I will be a great mom and they will be crushed when I die.  I see that in people.  Their mom dies and it breaks them and they carry that hurt everyday.  I never want my kids to hurt.  I never want them to cry or be sad over losing me.  I can't control the future or how they will feel about their childhood and that worries me and breaks my heart.  I cry and feel sick to my stomach most of the time over this.  After I talk with my kids I worry about every word I said and replay every word over and over in my head.  I make myself sick with this worry.  I try to remember I am not G-d and I can't control how any one else sees the world or how they see me.  Man, I hate that fact the most because I want to control that.  I want to know what they think of their childhood and I want them to see it the way I want them to see it.  I want them to think they were loved beyond measure because they are.  I want them to always feel safe and loved at home with their family.  I want them to feel lucky to have had such a great childhood.  They never have to worry about going without, getting free food from G-d's pantry, getting their coat from the lost and found or getting donated clothes, like I did.   The truth is that the boys, I don't worry about because I feel they will not look to closely at they childhood but my daughter is different.  I worry she will not grow up knowing it was all for them.  Every party, every trip, every thing I do is for them even the things I screw up and get wrong.  I want her to know that I tried.  Her mom tried even when she messed up, I was trying be a good mom.  I don't know how to be a good mom and so I am walking around lost not knowing what to do but trying my best to do what is right.  But who knows what "right" is.  I feel like everyone knows what right is but me.  I worry I will teach them morals that prepare them for a world that don't exist any more.  The morals I grew up learning aren't around any more and I really don't like the new direction we are moving in as a society.  So do I teach them the old morals that are out of date or teach them the new ones that I don't agree with.  My husband says teach them what we believe and let them sort out what to keep and what to toss as they deal with the world.  But I can't do that because I know some people hold on to believes they get from their parents no matter what.  That sounds like a good thing but it isn't because the world changes a lot every 10-20 years and I don't want them being hated by society because of out dated believes I gave them.  I can't control that and I can't control the future that they will grow up in but I want to so much it pains me.  Man, I have a control issue.