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My thought on Autism Awareness.

For Autism Awareness month I thought I who let people know what I would want people to be aware of about Autism.
First this is just my list and it may not be someone else's.  We have a saying, "if you have met one kid with Autism you have met one kid with Autism."  That means no 2 are alike.  So, when we say our son has Autism then you tell us how a kid your son goes to school with has Autism, that doesn't mean anything to us and we really don't know what to say after that but "ok".  They have ever different health concerns and different abilities.
Next, there is no Scientist or doctor on the planet who knows what causes Autism so please don't tell us you know it is caused by genetics.  As a family that has had 3 genetic test we know it isn't.  We say in the Autism world that "genetics loads the gun but environment pulls the trigger". What causes it in one person may not be the thing that causes it in another.
Lastly, Autism family mem…

Day 7 Fate - Good or bad hard to say

Fate.  When people say they leave it up to fate it sounds so positive.  People with BPD Boardline personality disorder don't see the positive right away.  I hear fate as a negative force.  Fate is chaos that can wipe out a family.  I have to do something to be ready to fight off fate.  Believing fate is believing the heavens will line up your life so that it is good.  I would get mad at the people who are so arrogant to think their world is plotting to make everything line up just for them.  Yet most people say it ,so the world is just arrogant.  I think it is meant to be neutral.  It does not favor anyone and no one thinks it does.  They are saying that what ever happens is going to happen and could good or bad it is out of my control so I will see what will come that is unexpected and then decide if it is good or bad.   Because good or bad, hard to say.

Good or bad - hard to say
This goes back to sometime something happens and you think how bad this is but it makes you have to d…

Day 6 Cultural Label

I never felt country, redneck, southern, or anything like that.  My dad's family is country but I felt left out.  I feel that every where.  It is because I always had secrets and I couldn't let down my guard.  If I did they could see what I hide.  I was dumb, in LD class, I cried to much, and I was poor.   I never had a culture or a group I belonged in.  I tried different religions, school, and hobbies.  I don't fit in any group event.  But I did have a culture.  I didn't par take in it but I lived it all around me in the places around me, and acted out in all the people I knew.  I am a poor country girl.  I may not like muddin', meowing my own grass,  hunting, or sports but those are my people.
I know they are my people because when people are being tease or joked about I never feel a rise in me unless it is when they make fun of the rednecks down south.  I feel the string of the insult behind the joke, I know it is meant for people like me.  I don't talk coun…

Dr.Jordan B Peterson quotes to manage life

You only get to the furture by learning from the past and living the present as you want the future to be. 

If you fulfill your obligations everyday, you don't need to worry about the future

Don't say things that make you weak

Remind yourself of the good things you have accomplished

Don't let your kids be someone you don't like

You are not who you could be and you could be worthwhile.

Don't do things that you hate because you will take it out on others, even if you think you wont

Be grateful even in your suffering

Act so you can tell the truth about the way you act

You need to live independently of the good and bad opinions of others

Do not try to save someone who isn't asking to be saved

Opportunity lurks where responsiblity has been abdicated

Don't avoid something because it is frighting if it stands in your way

Imagine who you could be and then aim single-mindedly toward that. 

If you can't order your own life you shouldn't order anything more th…

The true value in life

There isn't enough women CEOs  - Then go be one yourself or sit down.

I am so tried of Buzzfeed and Huff Post saying things like "There isn't enough women CEOs or in Steam.  The problem isn't that there isn't more women in high power jobs the problem is we are making a society that doesn't value women who take care of their families.  A lot of women do not get a choice and have to work but for those who can choose to raise their family themselves instead of hiring someone to do it are very lucky and I wish every woman including myself was so lucky.  We say how unimportant your job will seem when you are on your death bed yet we all spend every moment we are a live judging people by their careers.  A good family that you put first is more important than what you do for a job.  The job just gives you money but a family gives you a reason to live.  I pledge now not to ask people about what they do for a living but to ask about their family, the things that actual…

Day 5

Why does G-d let people die?  A lot of people when trying to prove a point to a believer is to point out that innocent people died before their time.  Why would G-d let kids die?  Well, for me at this point in my live I have a new view on it.  For those that believe in an afterlife or if you believe in a new life being reborn here on earth, if you believe in that then why would you believe that G-d would think that your child dying was a bad thing that he must stop?  Why would going to him and being in perfect peace and love be something he should save kids from?   When you grieve remember it is a selfish act.  I am not saying you are selfish but that it is natural and human to be selfish and want your loved ones with you.  It is very human to be in pain but maybe G-d is on a level that is higher than your understanding and he doesn't see people coming home to him or being reborn and moving forward with their journeys as a terrible horrible thing.  I am sure he wants everyone to h…

Day 4

Want to know what it is like to be an autism mom.  Well, when someone you love dies you are hit with all that pain in one shot.  When your kid has Autism it is like you grieve a tiny bit everyday.
Everyday the hope that they will say mom today.  Who am I kidding I would be happy with any word.  Any word at all.  But he won't be saying any words today and knowing this makes your throat close up.
Maybe he will answer to his name.
Maybe he wont bang his head on the floor until I have to hold his arm down by his side and he fights to get away and start banging again.
Maybe one day they will go to the normal classes at school.
Maybe go to prom, drive a car, get a job, or have a family.
Every day you start to see that none of that will happen for him.  So, you grieve for the lost of the life he could have had.  Now, I hope I will be able to trust him when he is a grown man alone at the store when I need to go to the restroom.    I count out how old he will be when I am in my seventies b…