Monday, April 8, 2019

My thought on Autism Awareness.

For Autism Awareness month I thought I who let people know what I would want people to be aware of about Autism.
First this is just my list and it may not be someone else's.  We have a saying, "if you have met one kid with Autism you have met one kid with Autism."  That means no 2 are alike.  So, when we say our son has Autism then you tell us how a kid your son goes to school with has Autism, that doesn't mean anything to us and we really don't know what to say after that but "ok".  They have even different health concerns and different abilities.
Next, there is no Scientist or doctor on the planet who knows what causes Autism so please don't tell us you know it is caused by genetics.  As a family that has had 3 genetic test we know it isn't.  We say in the Autism world that "genetics loads the gun but environment pulls the trigger". What causes it in one person may not be the thing that causes it in another.
Lastly, Autism family members are accidental activist so we have no problem answering questions about Autism and most of us don't mind talking about it at all.  We are not ashamed of it so it is not rude to ask us questions because the more you know the more others will know and that is what awareness is all about.

I will tell you that there are many camps in the autism world.  For myself I don't think of autism much on the day to day.  It doesn't defend my family.  Some families define themselves as a military family, a Christian family, or a special needs family.  Well, we are a Jewish family, a natural family (planet based products avoid chemicals and plastic), we are a homeschooling family and then a special needs family.  Even though I have 2 special needs kids.  I do worry about autism and the future a lot but that is a different post.  Most people with autism in their family will be either an autism family or a special needs family.  But that is not the camps.  I can tell if I am in the same camp with another autism family by asking one question.  What do you think of Autism Speaks?  If you like them or support them you should get off this post right now but I am not in that camp at all.  I am in the Autism speaks doesn't speak for me camp.   Autism speak people have their kids one bunch of meds for behavior.  Autism doesn't speak people change the kids diet and remove chemicals for behavior changes.  We talk about cleaning the gut, probiotics, supplements.  We go to birthday parties with the gluten free cake and talk about how great the infrared sauna has helped with detoxing.  See our kids don't detox on their own because most of them have the mthfr gene mutation.  We compare B12 supplement chewables.   When you go to the Autism speak people it is all red dye number 5, artificial sweeteners and mom's comparing which meds have helped and which meds made their kids rage.  If you think I am judging, well I am because this is my blog and I can judge away.
Do I think one way is better than another, yes.  If I didn't I wouldn't be in one camp.  My kids are hurt by the side effects of the meds and we strictly stay away from them and I would tell anyone to do the same.  I don't want a zombie for a kid because it is better than them being loud. 


Sunday, March 10, 2019

Day 7 Fate - Good or bad hard to say

Fate.  When people say they leave it up to fate it sounds so positive.  People with BPD Boardline personality disorder don't see the positive right away.  I hear fate as a negative force.  Fate is chaos that can wipe out a family.  I have to do something to be ready to fight off fate.  Believing fate is believing the heavens will line up your life so that it is good.  I would get mad at the people who are so arrogant to think their world is plotting to make everything line up just for them.  Yet most people say it ,so the world is just arrogant.  I think it is meant to be neutral.  It does not favor anyone and no one thinks it does.  They are saying that what ever happens is going to happen and could good or bad it is out of my control so I will see what will come that is unexpected and then decide if it is good or bad.   Because good or bad, hard to say.

Good or bad - hard to say
This goes back to sometime something happens and you think how bad this is but it makes you have to do something else or open a new door for yourself.  Maybe even makes you do something you were putting off but sometimes the bad things are the best things to happen to you when you look back.  I know that in my life the bad things could become things that I feel good about happening because some of the things that have happened in my life happen only because a bad thing happened and they were the best things in my life now.



So when something bad happens, just wait before declaring this a bad day or event.  The day could turn out to be better than the one you planned on.  And if it is bad, just go with it because the bad trips or events I have been on with my family have become my favorite memories.  We love to laugh at how bad the hotel or food was.  Joke about how mad we were or poke fun at each other for being mad or sad at the event.  Over time those memories became our families go to fun time stories.  So was the scary snow tubing trip or trashy Paris streets really bad when years later these trips bring us so much laughter.  Good or bad hard to say.

Monday, May 7, 2018

Dr.Jordan B Peterson quotes to manage life

You only get to the furture by learning from the past and living the present as you want the future to be. 

If you fulfill your obligations everyday, you don't need to worry about the future

Don't say things that make you weak

Remind yourself of the good things you have accomplished

Don't let your kids be someone you don't like

You are not who you could be and you could be worthwhile.

Don't do things that you hate because you will take it out on others, even if you think you wont

Be grateful even in your suffering

Act so you can tell the truth about the way you act

You need to live independently of the good and bad opinions of others

Do not try to save someone who isn't asking to be saved

Opportunity lurks where responsiblity has been abdicated

Don't avoid something because it is frighting if it stands in your way

Imagine who you could be and then aim single-mindedly toward that. 

If you can't order your own life you shouldn't order anything more than that. 

Set your house in perfect order before you critice someone elses

Play the most magnificent game you can’ while you’re waiting (to die), because you don’t have anything better to do really. Why not ‘pick the best thing possible that you could do’

Don't protect your kids from anything bad happening to them.  Make them strong enough so that any number of things can happen to them.

Do not rob people of their pain or anger by making it your anger and pain also.

You never solve someone's problem's by removing from them the opportunity to solve the problem on their own. That disarms them in the face of chaos and malevolence.

You reason with people you respect
You bully or force those who you hold in contempt 

Don't judge people by the worst thing they have done.

Listen as if the other person knows something that you need to learn

“You don't get to choose not to pay a price, you only get to choose which price you pay”

You should take care of, help and be good to yourself the same way you would take care of, help and be good to someone you loved and valued.

COMPARE YOURSELF TO WHO YOU WERE YESTERDAY, NOT TO WHO SOMEONE ELSE IS TODAY”

Strengthen the individual. Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. Choose your destination and articulate your Being.   Friedrich Nietzsche so brilliantly noted, “He whose life has a why can bear almost any how.”

Don't give anyone your opinion about their life unless they ask you for it. 

Anything you let win grows.  Don't practice what you don't want to become.

When people complain to you don't get anger for them, just listen and tell them you are sorry they are going thru that.
Don't make it about you and what you would do.  Don't get anger on their behalf and try to help them see what they should do or say what you would do.  It is up to them and they don't need that and you don't need that. 

Sunday, March 11, 2018

The true value in life

There isn't enough women CEOs  - Then go be one yourself or sit down.

I am so tried of Buzzfeed and Huff Post saying things like "There isn't enough women CEOs or in Steam.  The problem isn't that there isn't more women in high power jobs the problem is we are making a society that doesn't value women who take care of their families.  A lot of women do not get a choice and have to work but for those who can choose to raise their family themselves instead of hiring someone to do it are very lucky and I wish every woman including myself was so lucky.  We say how unimportant your job will seem when you are on your death bed yet we all spend every moment we are a live judging people by their careers.  A good family that you put first is more important than what you do for a job.  The job just gives you money but a family gives you a reason to live.  I pledge now not to ask people about what they do for a living but to ask about their family, the things that actually matters.       Yes, I know some women like to work and good for you, don't get upset I am just saying no matter what great job you have your family is more important than that job.  But we teach kids that the only thing in life that matter is what title comes after your name.  Your value as a person comes from those who love you not your title and this country is backwards.  Next time someone says something about women need to be in this field more or that one lets remember that rat race doesn't matter and lets value what any woman chooses to do no matter what that is.  No one even regrets not working more hours.  Ask one person who was told they had cancer and see if they wished they had more time on earth to work. 

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Day 5

Why does G-d let people die?  A lot of people when trying to prove a point to a believer is to point out that innocent people died before their time.  Why would G-d let kids die?  Well, for me at this point in my live I have a new view on it.  For those that believe in an afterlife or if you believe in a new life being reborn here on earth, if you believe in that then why would you believe that G-d would think that your child dying was a bad thing that he must stop?  Why would going to him and being in perfect peace and love be something he should save kids from?   When you grieve remember it is a selfish act.  I am not saying you are selfish but that it is natural and human to be selfish and want your loved ones with you.  It is very human to be in pain but maybe G-d is on a level that is higher than your understanding and he doesn't see people coming home to him or being reborn and moving forward with their journeys as a terrible horrible thing.  I am sure he wants everyone to have a long happy life but free will and laws of nature are the working forces on this earth and I think  G-d lets us have free will even if it is to kill.  He can't take away some's free will to save someone else.  He can't change the laws of nature to save someone's life.   He can't change the heart of someone who's heart he doesn't live in.  With that I mean that people will say that they pray that G-d would change the heart of someone else but he can't change someone if he doesn't live in them.  They have to use their free will to let him change their heart and mind.  G-d couldn't have stopped Hitler or Stalin because G-d didn't live in them.  But you will see G-d in those who he lives in.  Doesn't matter which name you call G-d or what religion you are in but if G-d lives in you the world can see it.  G-d didn't sit back and  do nothing during the Holocaust.  He guided the hearts of many people to help and to armies all over the plant to step up and put a stop to it.  But that doesn't mean that G-d sees the death of 6 million people the same as we here on earth do.  He would be welcoming them home or giving them a fresh start at a new life.  Either way he may not see it as the painful event we see it as.  So G-d not saving people's lives isn't to me proof that he isn't real. Don't get me wrong I don't believe G-d takes lives either.  Some will say he called someone home but I don't think so because again free will would be taken away. I think he would let us live and then life happens and people suffer or die.  Sometimes both.  But G-d lives inside every person who allows it and works in our heart to help, to love, to share, and to be G-d's hand on this earth.  I do not understand everything about this earth and there is to much unknown for me to cross anything off so I will choose to believe because at the end of the day it helps me and that is something we all need.  A way to get thru the day.
I guess I can apply this to my own life as well.  Maybe G-d sits so far up and doesn't have a society with standards so he doesn't think that Autism is a big deal.  G-d would probably think it was no different then the rest of us.  Maybe G-d would think I was crazy for being so worried and sad about my sons.  I think of G-d the way he is written about in the song "G-d is watching"
From a distance you look like my friend
Even though we are at war
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
What all this fighting is for
From a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land
And it's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
It's the heart of every man
It's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
This is the song for every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance

Day 4

Want to know what it is like to be an autism mom.  Well, when someone you love dies you are hit with all that pain in one shot.  When your kid has Autism it is like you grieve a tiny bit everyday.
Everyday the hope that they will say mom today.  Who am I kidding I would be happy with any word.  Any word at all.  But he won't be saying any words today and knowing this makes your throat close up.
Maybe he will answer to his name.
Maybe he wont bang his head on the floor until I have to hold his arm down by his side and he fights to get away and start banging again.
Maybe one day they will go to the normal classes at school.
Maybe go to prom, drive a car, get a job, or have a family.
Every day you start to see that none of that will happen for him.  So, you grieve for the lost of the life he could have had.  Now, I hope I will be able to trust him when he is a grown man alone at the store when I need to go to the restroom.    I count out how old he will be when I am in my seventies because I don't know who will care for him when we are gone.  Will they spend 40 yrs in a house for disabled people?  Will it be a good place?  Will they be abused.  It happens I see it on the news with elderly care.
Is it even right to ask my daughter to care for not one but maybe 2 brothers who will not be able to drive themselves or calm themselves when they are upset.  I don't want to stealing from her the ability to pick her own lot in life. 

Day 3

I am not writing everyday.  I know it would help but the truth is I think about what I am should write in such detail that I don't feel up to writing after I am done thinking.  But they say writing it is a better way to get it out or to release your burden. So I guess today I am thinking about how I am ill prepared to be a parent.  I didn't have a good example so I don't know what I am doing.  I spend every moment worried about them now and their future.  I worry I will do this wrong and when they are older they will have a list of everything I did wrong.  I am worried I will give them scars or I will be a great mom and they will be crushed when I die.  I see that in people.  Their mom dies and it breaks them and they carry that hurt everyday.  I never want my kids to hurt.  I never want them to cry or be sad over losing me.  I can't control the future or how they will feel about their childhood and that worries me and breaks my heart.  I cry and feel sick to my stomach most of the time over this.  After I talk with my kids I worry about every word I said and replay every word over and over in my head.  I make myself sick with this worry.  I try to remember I am not G-d and I can't control how any one else sees the world or how they see me.  Man, I hate that fact the most because I want to control that.  I want to know what they think of their childhood and I want them to see it the way I want them to see it.  I want them to think they were loved beyond measure because they are.  I want them to always feel safe and loved at home with their family.  I want them to feel lucky to have had such a great childhood.  They never have to worry about going without, getting free food from G-d's pantry, getting their coat from the lost and found or getting donated clothes, like I did.   The truth is that the boys, I don't worry about because I feel they will not look to closely at they childhood but my daughter is different.  I worry she will not grow up knowing it was all for them.  Every party, every trip, every thing I do is for them even the things I screw up and get wrong.  I want her to know that I tried.  Her mom tried even when she messed up, I was trying be a good mom.  I don't know how to be a good mom and so I am walking around lost not knowing what to do but trying my best to do what is right.  But who knows what "right" is.  I feel like everyone knows what right is but me.  I worry I will teach them morals that prepare them for a world that don't exist any more.  The morals I grew up learning aren't around any more and I really don't like the new direction we are moving in as a society.  So do I teach them the old morals that are out of date or teach them the new ones that I don't agree with.  My husband says teach them what we believe and let them sort out what to keep and what to toss as they deal with the world.  But I can't do that because I know some people hold on to believes they get from their parents no matter what.  That sounds like a good thing but it isn't because the world changes a lot every 10-20 years and I don't want them being hated by society because of out dated believes I gave them.  I can't control that and I can't control the future that they will grow up in but I want to so much it pains me.  Man, I have a control issue.

My thought on Autism Awareness.

For Autism Awareness month I thought I who let people know what I would want people to be aware of about Autism. First this is just my list...